Checklist for shopping at Wal-Mart

• Attach Dale Earnhardt sticker to rear window of enormous pickup truck
• Find spandex pants (women)
• Find a plain white sleeveless tee (men and women)
• Drive enormous pickup truck to Walmart
• Circle parking lot for 20 minutes looking for a space to avoid walking
• Visit DVD section and toss unwanted $5 DVDs on the floor
• Eat at McDonald's
• Visit plus-size lingerie section;  gossip with Wal-Mart employee friend
• Eat at McDonald's
• Stand in line for 25 minutes
• Open a Pepsi and bag of Doritos while standing in line
• Do again tomorrow